Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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