i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
