Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
