The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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