Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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