the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
