i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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