my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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