I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
