everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
