All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
