when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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