I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize