2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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