We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
