she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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