Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
