one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
