Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
