yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
