Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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