Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
