we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
