Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
