he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There r osticjed everywhere
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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