she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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