I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My vagina just clenched in fear
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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