Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
