omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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