he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize