the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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