she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
