trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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