I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
