So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
