When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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