Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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