U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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