I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
