i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
