It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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