I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
NoShamevember. You game?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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