She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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