I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
