my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize