Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Randomize
