I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
