I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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