It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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