The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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