im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
