just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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