If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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