her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
