Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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