But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
