I wanna passion pit in your ass
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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