in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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