I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
