I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
