True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
