I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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