dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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