I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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