I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
