K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
