Sry I called you an 8
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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