Will you blow on my dice?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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