so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
