I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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