ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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