I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
