Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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