I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
