forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
