i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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