I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
